In honour of St Patrick’s season, Barnstorm’s Adult Drama Club will be performing an evening of Irish theatre, music and poetry in The Barn, on Thursday 25th and Saturday 27th March. The pieces, from writers such as Wilde, GB Shaw, JB Keene, Synge…and Roddy Doyle, are a quirky and convivial collection of excerpts and vignettes with the notable omission of the much maligned Peig Sayers.

Once again The Barn will be transformed into the intimate setting of a cabaret club where patrons will enjoy wine and nibbles at café style tables while enjoying some of Ireland’s finest pieces of theatre performed by some of Kilkenny’s most exuberant amateur dramatists.

Barnstorm’s Adult Drama Clubs were created to give local amateur actors with a thirst for theatre the chance to develop their skills and become part of Kilkenny’s thriving theatre scene. The clubs have enjoyed enormous success in their short histories and while Shorts gave ADC members a chance to tread the boards, many for the first time in their lives, Anything….But Peig will showcase their talents both on and off the stage. Each play is directed by another member of the group, under the guidance of Barnstorm’s Anna Galligan and Keith Raven.

Anything….But Peig an evening of Irish theatre, music and poetry will be performed in The Barn, Church Lane, Kilkenny on Thursday, March 25 and Saturday, March 27 at 8pm each night. Tickets are €8, including a glass of wine, and are available from Barnstorm on 056-7751266 or trish@barnstorm.ie

Someone once said ‘Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark’. That person was wrong, wrong, wrong!

Did you know that shoplifting effects 1 in 4 familes? Did you know that shoplifting is considered a ‘gateway crime’ and that shoplifters soon progress onto stealing from banks and baby snatching? Did you know that shoplifting has been identified as the cause of 3 major wars?

This ‘self reduction’ movement isn’t about ‘empowerment’ ‘freedom’ or ‘repression’ it’s about crime! Committed by criminals! A criminal that could be lurking in YOUR family!

Don’t be afraid to rat them up! Whistleblower is a more honourable profession than shoplifter! Shoplifter’s are the very fleas of Satan! Let’s swat them TOGETHER!

So please, let us eradicate the greatest scourge in our society, victimes unite! Report all shoplifters! TODAY!

Don’t come crying to us when they descend on YOUR supermarket!

Can’t Pay? Won’t Pay! will run from Marc 10th – 14th in Set Theatre, Kilkenny. Tickets can be booked on 056 – 7765133. They might be shoplifted from such places as Rollercoaster Records, Kieran Street and Set Theatre Box Office, Langtons, John Street. And above here, on this very page. Buy now! Ignore touts!

Is your man like a dog when he gets in from a hard days work? Is he tired of wolfing down the same old tripe? Is his fur lacking a quality shine?

Don’t fret girls, you won’t be in the dog house anymore! Just give your man a tin of our best Supermeat and he’ll be a slobbering mess!

If it’s good enough for dogs, then it’s good enough for your best friend! Loyal husbands deserve some royal treatment when they return to the kennel so let him sink his canine’s into our juiciest Supermeat!

It’s like a pate for rich cats and dogs! And if it’s good enough for them, it’s good enough for your breadwinning pet!

The superest of meat for the lowest of prices, our special wholesome brand Supermeat is entirely affordable within your tight household budget! And if those hounds at the supermarket tinker with prices, then just howl your protests our way!

So ladies, give your man a treat, fork him out some Supermeat!

We’re exactly one month away from our opening night of Dario Fo’s Can’t Pay? Won’t Pay! and as we edge ever closer here’s the first peek at our cast in all their Technicolour glory! This will be the second part of our Dario Fo Season which last December saw us bring Accidental Death Of An Anarchist to the stage at Set Theatre in Kilkenny. Can’t Pay? Won’t Pay! is a madcap marital meltdown from Italy’s master of farce. Can’t Pay? Won’t Pay! was written by the Nobel Prize winning playwright in 1974, inspired by the self reduction movement which saw working class Italian women take what they wanted from supermarkets, only paying what they could afford. Another of his trademark political farces, Can’t Pay? Won’t Pay saw Fo tackling issues of inflation, unemployment, workers’ strikes and the unions, once more tied up in the framework of a wild, slapstick comedy.

Following on from our teaser, this latest poster has the entire cast present: Housewives Antonia and Margherita (Angela Barrett, Hazel Fahy) stand in a window frame, desperately attempting to rid themselves of some stolen groceries. Unbeknown to them, a police Sergeant (David Thompson) has scaled a quite unsafe and unsteady drainpipe as a hail of carrots, tin cans and olives rain down. Meanwhile, husbands to the housewives, Giovanni and Luigi (Ken McGuire, Ross Costigan) scale a broken washing line in an effort to aid in the commotion.

Can’t Pay? Won’t Pay! will run from Wednesday 10 March to Sunday 14 March and tickets currently available from the Set Theatre box office in Langtons in John Street and Rollercoaster Records in Kieran Street. Tickets are also available to purchase online at tickets.devioustheatre.com For all details on the play and the full Dario Fo Season, stay tuned to this here website…

Tuesday afternoon brought about the announcement of the 2010 Oscar® Nominations and when Anne Hathaway and Academy president Tom Sherak reached the category of “Best Animated Feature” and said the title The Secret of Kells, a thunderous uproar of exhilaration and celebration could be heard across Kilkenny and in the Devious Theatre camp! Paul Young (who has previously worked with us on Trainspotting and Stags and Hens) is producer on this wonderful film and is a founder of Kilkenny-based animation studio Cartoon Saloon. It also just so happens Paul was currently deep into rehearsals on our upcoming production of Dario Fo’s Can’t Pay? Won’t Pay!

Unfortunately, and very understandably, Paul has had to leave our production and will spend the next month jetsetting on a whirlwind press tour for his movie. It’s hard to call this news bittersweet, as we are utterly thrilled for Paul and everyone at Cartoon Saloon but it is also sad to see him go. Paul (pictured above in makeup during a makeup test) approached his role with much gusto and had put in a gargantuan amount of work into rehearsals over the past weeks. We wish him, Tomm Moore, Nora Twomey and the crew at the Saloon the very best of luck on March 7th! We’ll cross all of our collective Devious fingers and toes and we hope a shiny, bald golden fella is brought back home.

Replacing Paul in the show will be David Thompson, a man who many will recognise as ‘The Madman’ from our previous production of Accidental Death of an Anarchist.

Dario Fo Season continues with Can’t Pay? Won’t Pay! running from 10-14 of March at Set Theatre, John Street Kilkenny. Tickets are on sale now.

STAGS AND HENS – 21-25 JULY
Things kicked off in May with a launch party at the Watergate Theatre for our production of Willy Russell’s Stags and Hens. The show itself is a viciously funny study of working class attitudes to marriage, love and ambition in dead end Liverpool of 1978. It also marked the first time the show was performed in Kilkenny and we were thrilled to be bringing it to the stage at the Watergate. The launch party got the ball rolling on our comprehensive promotional runup to the show with the release of a teaser poster and the announcement of our cast. We were delighted with the addition of some fresh faces to the cast as well as the return of some familiar ones. Along with the usual slew of promo photos and posters, we ventured into the realm of online video content, specifically a trailer and a handful of weblogs. We even made a brief appearance on Newstalk with Tom Dunne to talk about Kilkenny’s steadily growing hen party problems. Capping off the parade of promotion, was a seventies themed fundraiser night in Cleeres wherein everybody put their flares and platform shoes on and boogied the night away to some good ol’ disco, funk, glam and soul.

We set up camp in the Watergate Theatre on 19th of July and having constructed our set, ran tech and dress rehearsals and drank copious amounts of red bull – we were good to go. The show itself was a wonderful success. After the insanity of Trainspotting and the quirks of Smitten in 2008, it was nice to perform a conventional play – one that relied on the camaraderie of its cast of characters and the wit and humour of a man as renowned as Willy Russell. The feedback (both positive and negative) was superb, further helping to shape the company and give us an insight into our audiences.

Related Blog Posts:
Stags and Hens (and the rest of the summer)
Stags and Hens – Final Poster
The Stags – The Hens
70s Nite – Fundraiser Event
Stags and Hens Video Diary 1
Kav and Frances – Dave – Carol and Maureen – Robbie and Billy – Bernie and Eddy – Linda – The Roadie – The Blood Brothers
Stags and Hens Trailer
The Big Day Is Approaching
Follow Stags and Hens on Twitter, A Day Off
Settling Into The Theatre
Stags and Hens Interview (Listen)
Reaching the Midway Point
And So We Face The Final Curtain
Stags and Hens Wraps, Thanks
Some News Pics from Stags and Hens

SHAKESPEARE IN BITS – JUNE/OCTOBER/NOVEMBER
A slight deviation from the usual Devious output as we performed not once, but twice the works of the great Bard himself. Shakespeare In The House was a successful event that was held at Rothe House in collaboration with Young Irish Filmmakers, Dreamstuff Youth Theatre and Kilkenny 400. With production on Stags and Hens taking up all free time, it wasn’t possible for us to stage a full on Shakespeare production so we decided to do something to complement the fine work that will no doubt be done by the good thespians of Dreamstuff Youth Theatre.

The production was made up of various Shakespeare related sketches (Shakespeare’s editor and a 16th centruy version of the Bale rant with William Shakespeare walking in front of the ‘cantelbras’), some Shakespeare based works (The Reduced Shakespeare Company, Rosencrantz and Guidenstern Are Dead), some devised Shakespeare pieces, some monologues and a whole lot of nice little bridging devices between. It’s going to be a crash course in Shakespeare for the ADD generation. Overall it was a great success for us. So much so that we returned during the Rockfall Festival in October to perform a limited run in Cleeres over three nights all in aid of Enable Ireland and The O’Neill Centre.

Shakespeare In Bits returned to the stage once again in November. Not on a Kilkenny stage however, but on the stand-up stage at the Ha’Penny Bridge Inn in Dublin for one night only. Hopefully we can return to the capital soon for further Devious antics.

Related Blog Posts:
New Show: Shakespeare In Bits
In Bits – Stephen Colfer – John Doran – Eddie Murphy
Shakespeare In Bits this weekend
Shakespeare In Bits Trailer
Shakespeare In Bits – Day 1
Shakespeare In Bits – Day 2
Shakespeare In Pictures, Media
Shakespeare In Dublin

Dario Fo Season and ACCIDENTAL DEATH OF AN ANARCHIST – 2-6 DECEMBER
Directly off the back of the Rockfall Festival performance of Shakespeare In Bits, we made our announcement that we would be performing a Season of plays by Italian playwright Dario Fo at the newly opened Set Theatre. Set had just opened during the Arts Festival and it was thrilling for us to be performing in such a new and exciting venue. Two of his most revered plays would make up the season: Accidental Death of an Anarchist and Can’t Pay? Won’t Pay!

His best known play Accidental Death Of An Anarchist opened the season on December 2nd to Sunday December 6th. In the aftermath of the apparent suicide of an anarchist from a fourth floor police window, the policemen involved are having difficulties remembering the details of the event. That is, until a nameless, deranged madman shows up and proceeds to tie the authorities around his fingers in a master class performance of utter logic. In the runup to the show we once again bombarded local media with promotional imagery, did live readings of portions of the script on radio and gave our cast members a good interrogation or two.

The run went incredibly for us and we were ecstatic with the response that it received. Audiences were immensely enthusiastic about the show with consistent belly laughs and an equal amounts of applause. The audiences were very generous and very receptive to something that looks so starkly different from anything they’ve seen before in Kilkenny. Local press too were impressed with very kind reviews from Kilkenny People and with The Munster Express even saying it was a “furious tour de force of biting satire and a comedic rant that dazzled with daring” and saying of David Thompson that he impressed more than Tom Vaughan Lawlor in Arturo Ui! Marvelous stuff.

The Dario Fo Season will continue in 2010 with Can’t Pay? Won’t Pay! Further details will be available on this site very, very soon

Related Blog Posts:
Presenting a Season of Dario Fo
Accidental Death of an Anarchist at Set Theatre
Accidental Death of an Anarchist – Final Poster
Director’s Blog: Adapting The Text
Chasing The Madman
Final Week Rehearsals
Interrogating – David Thompson – Ken McGuire – Alan Butler – Sean Hackett – John Morton – Simone Kelly
Who Is Dario Fo? (And why does he stick it to the man?)
Accidental Death Opens
Through The Square Window

ACCOLADES FOR DEVIOUS THEATRE IN 2009
Just to briefly touch upon some nice recognition the company received in 2009 – The year opened with an article by John Cleere in the Kilkenny Advertiser saying of us that a Devious show is a “Guaranteed good night out” and that Devious was the only word in Kilkenny theatre in 2008. We had a lot to live up to in 2009! In February the good people at the Irish Blog Awards shortlisted us for Best Arts and Culture blog. Unfortunately we lost out on the night, but it’s still a mighty fine accolade nonetheless. Here’s to next year! Speaking of mighty fine accolades, our radio broadbasted podcast of War of the Worlds was nominated for Best Drama at the PPI National Radio Awards. The Devious crew put on their swankiest of gladrags and tipped along to Lyrath Estate Hotel for the glitzy ceremony. In the end, we brought home the Bronze award and were utterly thrilled with such recognition which will hopefully give us and KCLR a fantastic boost and the impetus to continue creating further radio dramas.

Related Blog Posts:
A Guaranteed Good Night Out
We’re Off To The Irish Blog Awards
We’re Nominated for a PPI Award for Best Drama
Bronze Award for The Devious Theatre Company, KCLR

ONWARDS AND UPWARDS FOR 2010!!!
Tomorrow marks the first day of the new year. A new decade even! As we here at The Devious Theatre Company work away on pre-production for Can’t Pay? Won’t Pay! we’re shuffling around our schedule for the year. Who knows what other tricks we have in store? Stay tuned to this here website for all the news and be sure to follow us on twitter. We tweet like madmen, so we do.

In conclusion, it’s been an incredible and productive year for us. There’s been some downs but mostly ups. We seriously could not do it without you, our lovely lovely audience and we hope to see you all again real soon.

Thank you sincerely from the very bottom of our hearts for all your support and see you in the new year!

From all of us at,
The Devious Theatre Company

We’re just under three weeks away from the opening night of Accidental Death of an Anarchist and as rehearsals pick up speed and we crawl ever closer to the stage at SET, we are happy to present to you good theatre folk, our final poster!

Following on from our teaser, our final poster has the entire cast of characters present: Maria Feletti (Simone Kelly) grips onto the shoulders of the Constable (Sean Hackett); Inspector Bertozzo (John Morton) grabs onto the rope for dear life; Inspector Pisani (Alan Butler) and the Superintendant (Ken McGuire) furiously spit venom and outrage at the man responsible for their gravitational predicament – The Madman (David Thompson) who peers out the fourth story window of the police station, grin on his face and scissors in his hand.

In the run up to the show, we will continue to release further exciting promotional materials that will hopefully give a greater insight into the show and introduce you to the characters and world of Dario Fo’s Accidental Death of an Anarchist.

Accidental Death Of An Anarchist will run from Wednesday December 2nd to Sunday December 6th and tickets will soon be made available from the Set Theatre box office in Langtons and Rollercoaster Records in Kieran Street. For all details on the play and the full Dario Fo Season, stay tuned to this here website…

The Devious Theatre Company are launching their Dario Fo Season with the maniacal murder mystery Accidental Death Of An Anarchist, arguably the Nobel Prize winning dramatist’s most famous play.

Written in 1970, Accidental Death Of An Anarchist was inspired by events that took place in Italy in 1969 when an anarchist, Giuseppe Pinelli fell – or was thrown – from the fourth floor window of a Milan police station. He had been accused of a campaign of bombing, of which he was later found innocent. The resultant scandal uncovered a system rife with corruption and intensified public rage at the government. Intensification of public rage is something that Dario Fo is a master of with his work challenging church, government and the authorities in Italy for over 50 years.

Accidental Death Of An Anarchist takes place as an enquiry into the anarchist’s death is causing the policemen involved to have some difficulties remembering the details of the event. That is, until a nameless deranged madman shows up and proceeds to tie the authorities around his fingers in a master class performance of utter logic. The cast includes Alan Butler, Sean Hackett, Simone Kelly, Ken McGuire, John Morton and David Thompson playing the famed role of the shape shifting Madman. The production is directed by John Morton, who previously co-directed Trainspotting for Devious Theatre.

As is usually the case with adaptations of Dario Fo, this production will look at the events of the play through the prism of modern Ireland and the corruption and scandals inherent in our own political systems. Employing the comedic methods of commedia dell’arte and slapstick as used by Dario Fo, Accidental Death Of An Anarchist is an uproariously funny farce which rallies against political injustice and corruption.

Above is the teaser poster for the production which pays homage to the late, great Saul Bass whose look and style have influenced our show. Over the next couple of weeks, we will continue to roll out further promotional materials and some surprises. Stay tuned to the site for further details.

This will be the first play to be staged in the Set Theatre, John Street and we at The Devious Theatre Company are proud to be the first group to utilise Kilkenny’s finest new venue. They will be returning in March of 2009 with the next part of their season Dario Fo’s Can’t Pay? Won’t Pay!

Accidental Death Of An Anarchist will run from Wednesday December 2nd to Sunday December 6th and tickets will soon be made available from the Set Theatre box office in Langtons and Rollercoaster Records in Kieran Street. For all details on the play and the full Dario Fo Season stay tuned this site.

A night of fiendishly good music and dancing in Cleeres Pub, Kilkenny. It’s a 70′s fancy dress with prizes for the best get up. There’s enough food to feed a small dancing army. The theatre will be decked out with glitterball and ample dancing room. And from T-Rex to Bowie, Stevie Wonder to Chic and Sex Pistols to The Undertones, enough musical treats to cover the full spectrum of the decade that fashion neglected. Or blessed if you so like.

It’s all in aid of raising funds for our upcoming production of Willy Russell’s 70′s set classic Stags and Hens and all other future endeavours. So please donate kindly! See you there!

We’re almost a month away from the opening night of Stags and Hens and as we edge ever closer, we hope to roll out some exciting promotional material for the show! Presented here is our final poster for the show which sees the cast assembled in a make-shift, multi-coloured grid of toilet cubicles – each stall telling a story of it’s own.

The poster features almost all of our principle characters: Robbie (John Morton) and Billy (Stephen Colfer) have a bit of banter, Carol (Lynsey Moran) attempts to comfort an overly emotional Maureen (Mairead Kiernan), Francis (Maria Murray) tries to catch a glimpse of just what Kav (Geoff Warner Clayton) is scrawling on the wall, Eddie (Ken McGuire) and Bernadette (Ciara Donegan) do a bit of flirting, all the while, Dave (John Doran) the groom lies passed out on the floor and bride-to-be Linda (Roisin O Reilly) sits alone, pondering what the hell it’s all about.

In the run up to the show, we hope to take a closer look at each cubicle and get to know our cast a bit better, so keep an eye on DeviousTheatre.com for future updates.

Stags and Hens by Willy Russell, takes to the stage at the Watergate Theatre, Kilkenny from the 21st to the 25th of July at 8pm nightly. Tickets are on sale now and can be booked at +353 56 61674.

“I’m dancing and singing in the rain…”
A Short Story from Smitten

Tommy’s head was spinning with the stories. All the stories he was hearing from his friends about this girl, this girl who came from Kilkenny and was apparently all that. But he just couldn’t figure it out. As he sat, cradling a can of Coke at that party in Loughboy, that one word kept spinning through his head. Beguiling. Beguiling. Beguiling. That’s what they say she is.

And that one name kept spinning through his head. Daffney Molloy.

And poor Tommy, so numb and jaded and without spark for so long now. Sure, isn’t it his own fault? For all the stupid drugs he took for years and the pointless drinking and the job’s dumped and the college drop outs and the depression and the hell he put his body through. There he is, all quarter of a century of him, finally coming out of his early 20′s fugue with his dick that just won’t work, and he meets a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in countless stories and myths and legends.

And he feels something… fizzle. He’s looking for the simple stuff right now. Stuff that will help him get his bearings in life. Maybe a job, maybe go back to college, maybe some shoes? But most of all, he’d like a nice girl to do the simple things with, go to the pictures and maybe a bit of lie down kissing? If it’s not too much hassle of course, I don’t want to cause any hassle, I just want someone to give me a spark. That’s all he’s asking for and it’s not too much to ask for is it?

And as he sits there with his little fried brain trying to work, his friends keep on spinning the yarns about this mystery girl who’s back in town and has them smitten like kittens.

Apparently one time Skeet Keating walked up to her in the Market Cross and just asked her out. She was 16 at the time with black hair tied in pigtails and baggy Hobo jeans and she had her nose pierced but that’s not what matters. What matters is that little Skeet plucked up the courage to ask out Daffney Molloy. And she just looked at him with those piercing blue eyes and asked him why on earth would he want to go out with her and could he give her 3 good reasons why he was asking her out. And he coughed and he spluttered and he couldn’t think of anything. And with a little smile and a wink, she just left him standing there.

Motion. Slow motion. That’s how she moves. Stevey can remember the time he came home from college and went into Dunnes Stores to buy deodorant for his sweaty Bus Eireann afflicted armpits and he saw her shopping with her mother. He saw her move through the fruit and veg section with a grace he’d never seen before in a girl, like she was floating or something. She had messy brown hair with blonde streaks in it and a bright yellow and green top and holding that head of lettuce, he swore she swayed it into her mother’s trolley. That’s how she moves. With the motion of the world in her body.

That’s how she moved the time Kevin saw her that night in Cleere’s. It was rare enough to see her out but she just waltzed through the place without a care in the world. Maybe she was looking for someone but maybe, just maybe, she was waltzing for waltzing’s sake. She had long straight red hair and pink glasses and tattered jeans that hung nicely on her hips and oh how those hips moved. Before he could even get his bearings, she had waltzed away on her own. And even though he kept an eye out for the rest of the night, he never saw her or indeed, any waltzing from the other girls. They just didn’t waltz.

Tommy listened to these stories intently. He was as intrigued as she was beguiling. Well, that’s what they said she was anyway.

And at the exact same time Tommy sat at that party, a girl stood on the Parade in the lashings of rain, sheltering herself in the entrance way of the Left Bank. She was staring out at that pissing rainy Kilkenny night with a smile on her face. People were running for cover into pubs, doorways, taxis, anywhere they could protect their wet bodies from the thumping power of the rain. Cackling hen nights getting their devil horns soaked and checked shirts getting drenched and dolly girls getting their well kept hair doused. Everybody wants to be dry. And why oh why would they want to be dry, thinks the girl.

And with that, she jumps down off the steps into the street and pulls her umbrella up.

‘Doo dee doo doo, doo dee doodle doo doo’ she sings to herself as she puts her hand out to feel the rain drops. And with that she pulls her umbrella back down and skips across the Parade, as if she’s dancing specifically towards the little green man across the road. A big smile spreads across her face as the raindrops spread down her smiling face. People look very confused at the sight of this girl, dancing happily through the lashing rain.

She skips across by the bank and waves her hand at a grumbling sham couple and then skips lightly over one of the flower pots before outstretching her arms to embrace the downpour. She spins her umbrella around and does a little tap dance as she passes the Book Centre, cradling that black brolley as if it were dancing along with her.

With a kick, she sends the umbrella into the air, it spins for an age before landing right in her mitts. And with that, she launches herself onto the road and spins her brolley as if she were a one woman merry go round. Cars beep and honk at her but she’s not doing any harm is she? Oh no, it’s only dancing, isn’t it?

She balances precariously on the footpath outside Goods and kicks all the puddles up into the air. Up they go! Splish splash splish! Kick, kick, stamp, stamp in the puddles and she’s soaked through and through and doesn’t care, not a jot. She’s happy to be home and with all the sadness and sickness and rain everywhere, isn’t it so much better to be dancing?

A guard stops in front of her, a big thick necked country bullock and he folds his arms crossly. The girl stops her splishing and splashing and looks apologetically at him. She shrugs her shoulders and turns and hands her umbrella to a passing elderly man, who takes it bemused. And with that, she saunters off towards the Town Hall.

And who is she?

No one knows.

Tickets for Smitten are on sale NOW in Rollercoaster Records, Kieran Street and they are 10EURO. The show runs August 20 – 23 and starts 8pm nightly. For more information and updates, check out www.devioustheatre.com

“Almost Made You Smile”
A Short Story from Smitten
When the sliding doors at McDonagh Station opened on that miserable August night, everybody stared at the girl in the blue raincoat. And she was soaked.

It all started when she looked at the photo of herself sliding half way down a hill in Venezuela with a terrified look on her face. She laughed so much that a big spurt of snot came out of her nose and she had to wipe it with the last of a fairly snotty tissue. It wasn’t funny at the time, oh no, ‘cos there was Claire doing a little dance at the edge of the trail on the mountain pass, celebrating how far along they climbed. Then before she knew it she started sliding down the side of the hill. Helpless, hopeless and spectacularly sliding. Looking at Pablo, the guide, with terror in her eyes. He just furrowed his brow and looked at her with his cigarette dangling from his lips. Then he took a photo of her. Everyone else just smiled at her. ‘I’m falling here!’ Claire screamed. ‘I’m gonna die!’ ‘Help me!’ No response from any of them. Then she realised that if she sank her boots into the soil with force they’d function as brakes. And so she did. And she stopped, about a quarter of a way down the side of the hill. Embarrassed, she just grunted and trudged back up to the path. They all snickered at her. She took her boots off and emptied the top soil onto the path, grumbling about her dirty socks.

See, now it’s funny but back then it was as funny as a dick in the arse. Wait, thought Claire, I don’t know what that actually feels like… no, no, I imagine it’s pretty sore. So yeah, that. She just remembered how helpless she felt as she slid away with everyone just staring at her apathetically while she freaked out for her life. That’s Claire for you though, making a big mess of everything and blowing it entirely out of proportion. But more than that, it sums up her, entirely. As a person of course. Just moving away, slowly and surely whilst everyone else stands still. And it reminds her of Kevin, sliding away from view.

That was Venezuela a year ago, when her life flashed very, very, very slowly before her eyes as she slid down that hill very, very, very, very slowly. Now it’s Kilkenny on a miserable August night and the rain pelts down on her bright blue raincoat. Her sister just dropped her off at McDonagh Station and things didn’t go to plan for Claire from the get go. After giving her sister a hurried thanks and goodbye she:

1. Couldn’t get the seatbelt off quickly enough. It was the seatbelts fault, obviously, so she furiously renamed it the ‘bastard cunt fucking cunt of a fucking seatbelt.’
2. Got her foot caught on the seatbelt after she had it released and tripped getting out the door of the car. She went head first into a puddle.
3. Whilst running up the steps into the train station she slips and cuts her leg off one of the steps. She shouts out ‘Ah ya fu-’ but quickly realises there’s a man with a little girl waiting just underneath the cover and stops herself short.
4. The door slides open at the entrance of the train station and everybody waiting in there stops and looks at her. Then she slips in a puddle and falls. Right on her arse.

Struggling back to her feet amidst more snickering, she tries to pull her hood down and after yanking her matted wet hair back off her forehead, she gets it. Everyone is looking at the panicked, soaked girl in the raincoat, some still laughing. She doesn’t really care though, she’s much too busy letting her eyes dart around in the hope that they’ll quickly lock onto Kev’s green jacket. There’s no sign of him though. All she can see are daytripping families, weird looking old men holding plastic bags, heaps of tourists, little goths on the way back to Carlow and one beetroot faced drunk shouting at a timetable.

Panic sweeps over Claire. He’s gone, he’s gone, he’s gone, I’ve missed him, he’s gone. She rushes over to the doorway that leads out to the platform, nearly slipping in a puddle in the process. The train to Dublin is still there, rain pelting down on it louder than the train will probably chug along. With the rain blinding her, Claire runs along the windows, glaring at every person sitting in wait on the train. Some don’t notice the girl in the blue raincoat peering into their carriage, others wave, some are quite freaked out by the desperate looking girl peering in at them.

She can’t see him there at all. Not a sign. She curses under her breath. ‘Bollocks’ is what she says. The grand romantic gesture is going downhill and fast.

Like any great gesture of love in fiction, she would show up at the train station just before his train pulled off. He would be gazing forlornly out the window on that sunny summer’s eve, fist to chin, thinking of the girl he was leaving behind. Then, in a cloud of smoke, she would appear running on the platform calling out his name and he would see her waving and immediately he would call out ‘HALT! Halt train driver! Stop shovelling those coals my man! I must get out!’ Then he would jump from the train and they would embrace on the platform as the crowds peered from the carriage windows whooping and cheering.

Instead, Claire peered into a steamed up window, looking kinda cross eyed while some sham eating a Plowman’s sandwich stuck his middle finger at her up against the window.

And it’s not sunny, it’s lashing rain and nobody’s cheering. There’s just rain, everywhere.

She rushes back into the station to check the timetable. Everything was right. He should be on that train. What if he went earlier? Or what if he hasn’t gone yet? She thinks to herself that maybe there’s still time for that grand romantic gesture. Then she turns around and bangs into the drunk, spilling his opened can of Strongbow all over herself and he rasps the sentence’ You stupid fucking bitch’ at her. Claire mumbles an apology and just shuffles around on the spot, unsure of what move to make.

All she thinks about is sliding back down that hill in Venezuela and instead it’s Kevin standing there looking back down at her, disappearing from sight. She might have slid too far but she still reckons she can make out the faintest glimmer of a smile on his face.

Tickets for Smitten are on sale NOW in Rollercoaster Records, Kieran Street and they are 10EURO. The show runs August 20 – 23 and starts 8pm nightly. For more information and updates, check out www.devioustheatre.com

“I’ll Take You With Me When I Go”
A Short Story from Smitten

And off she went in a taxi somewhere. Which wasn’t the weirdest thing. She’s a lazy girl sometimes is Cat, that’s why she might get a taxi every so often. Out to her house when she was filled up with too much drink or she had been working all day, her legs hurting, all pretty and moaning and oftentimes, she was lazy and didn’t want to take the long stretch up the Waterford Road.

But the weirdest thing, Tony thought, wasn’t the taxi. Fuck the taxi! There was no sex eyes out of her. None at all. Ne’er a glance, a gaze, a gawp or the slightest look of intent. And there he was, wearing an uncreased shirt and a splash of some aftershave for once. How had she not noticed? Normally he’d have some old t-shirt on and his hair tied up and enough of a spray of Lynx on him that he wouldn’t smell offensive. Tonight he said he’d impress the tits off her with the sheer effort of a shirt and some of that Jean Paul Gaultier shit that Kev would often throw on. The bottle was the shape of a sailor and it all looked a bit gay for Tony’s taste but sweet lord did it smell good! Sweet Lord indeed. Tony Phelan isn’t in tonight girls, Mickey fucking Dazzler is on the prowl. His cock shaped compass didn’t even flirt with the other girls parading around, it just stuck straight for its familiar humping ground of Cat. And what with the effort he’d put in on the Mickey Dazzler front he reckoned it was fair to assume that they’d land on one or the others mattress tonight and wake up for breakfast the next morning. After all, hadn’t they being going out for 4 years and a couple of months and hadn’t they had an on/off thing going on for months upon months and more months upon that? Because there’s never a clean break is there? Always a relapse or a familiarity or sometimes, just sometimes when the time suits you and the drink has gotten hold of your melancholic parts, you’ll miss them. That’s what it’s like.

And that’s what Tony realised after precisely 4 pints of Heineken and a small whiskey chaser, he missed her. By fuck he did, and not ‘cos he was a bit merry, no! Because she’s a great girl, the greatest is his Cat. The only girl I’ve loved, Tony thought to himself. And why, oh why, can’t he make a proper man of himself and do the nice things for her? But sure, he reasoned, they’re not even going out anymore anyway. Not technically, and the arrangement must suit her too. That’s why she does it isn’t it?

And as predictable as the cuckoo popping from the clock, they’ll slope off before anyone notices and they’ll go home and they’ll kiss and they’ll cuddle and they do all the coupley things because they don’t know otherwise, they don’t know how to not do them. You get used to someone, don’t you? Anyone else is too much hard work aren’t they? When it comes to the sex, by fuck, he’ll slide in there with ease, as if he never left. It’ll be good too, the sex, because they know what to do for each other and she’ll know to breathe heavily into his ear and he’ll know to caress her smooth pale neck and then she’ll dig her nails into his lower back and she loves that thing when he kinda gyrates his hips as if he were doing the Hula, by fuck she loves that. And that’s what makes them great Tony thinks. Even if he does miss that look in her eye when he’s hammering away to the finish line. The look in her eye that says ‘This could be the last time. This should be the last time. Because there’s got to be something more than this. Something more than just trundling along.’ But Tony’s blown his load and rolled over and doesn’t care very much at all because he’s so out of breath.

So this familiar routine of comfort sex is what’s on poor old Tony’s mind as he sees Cat get into the taxi on her own across the road from the Pumphouse. The lights are dim on Parliament Street so he can’t really make out what she says to the taxi driver. But he can see the light on her phone hit the back of the seat and he knows, knows with all his heart, she’s texting someone new. It has to be at this time of the night! He knows because this isn’t part of the routine, the comfortable amble that relationships and familiarity often become. This is new terrain, rough terrain and Tony doesn’t have his bearings at all. Where’s Claire? Did Claire go home early? No, shit, she’s still inside Cleere’s building a pyramid out of Smithwicks beer mats with that cock eyed fuck she’s trying to make Kev jealous with. Dave is on his best so he’s taken Bronagh home early with a small bag of cans and a fish supper out of Joes. It’s not Aoife, that crazy fucker has some new bastard to rip the nuts out of. Come on Sherlock, who the fuck is it? It’s gotta be home? It has to be home hasn’t it? ‘Drive me up the Waterford Road there please, not too far, before the roundabout’ that’s what Cat will say. And the taxi driver will look at her and go ‘Jesus Christ almighty, what’s a cute little one like you with your shiny little black bob and your little white woolly hat and adorable button nose with the thick rimmed glasses perched on them and little green dress and black shoes and that black and white chequered coat that Tony likes so much, what’s a cute little one such as yourself doing going home alone of a Saturday night without himself?’ and Cat will say ‘Ah, I’m a bit tired and time of the month, you know yourself.’ And with that the taxi driver will give a curt nod of the head, rev her up and off they go, up Parliament Street and off out the Waterford Road. Hi ho Silver!

At least that’s what Tony hopes anyway. As the taxi pulls off the tits are frozen off him as his stomach churns a little with potential new truths. Part of him screams ‘There’s someone else and he’s not you! He’s nicer and thinner and doesn’t have wiry hair and has more than one pair of pants that fits him!’ and Tony says ‘Shut it you, shut your fuckin’ trap pal’ and the voice quietens down a little. Just a little. Tony turns to the small breeze and makes his way back towards Anna Conda with his head down. He wants to avoid making eye contact with anyone he knows and getting into some stupid drunken bit of shit talk. There was only one bit of eye contact he wanted tonight and he didn’t get it. ‘Some other lad is getting it! All the eye contact in the world! Her glasses are off and the sex eyes are all for him!’ screams the voice and Tony tells it to shut up, he’s trying to think of the sock puppets.

Aye, the sock puppets, what’ll become of them? The ones he made for him and her? Gertie and Bertie the most adorable sock puppets you could ever see. The one’s that Cat would press into his face from behind when he was struggling at the sink, trying to get the hard cheese off the lasagne dish. And now Gertie was gone. What’s to become of poor Bertie? He can’t go and just have a wank by himself can he? For a sock puppet can’t wank. Well, technically… no, no, that’s best not think about. No, what he’ll do is go back into the pub and sit down with Stevey who’ll still be moaning about that girl he fancies who he’ll never ask out and he’ll comfortably settle in and have himself another beer. And what he’ll do, yes, that’s it! What he’ll do is ring her house in about 20 minutes and see if she’s home and he’ll make out as if he was checking that she got home alright. All because of the abrupt way she left the pub without saying goodbye or giving the sex eyes or going home for the usual comfort ride.

So he sits down with Stevey and Stevey is moaning and complaining, especially about that Barnardo’s young one who’s got his goat in a big way. And so it goes, tick tock tick tock, all the minutes on the clock ticking as they go. And he throws his pint down him post haste and before Stevey’s even through telling Tony where he’d love to stick her clipboard with the pen hanging off it, Tony is up like a shot. ‘Right Stevey, I’m up to the bar, are ya having anything?’ Stevey examines his glass to clock his 3 minute progress since Tony sat down. ‘Ehhh… no Tony, I’m grand. Jesus, you really threw that pint down ya.’ ‘Sure did lad, sure did’ says Tony as he hops up off his seat and makes as if he’s up to the bar. But all he does is put his hand into his pocket to grab his phone and curse his nice ironed shirt and the nice smelling Jean Paul Gaultier shit because it didn’t work. Did it fuck. And out he goes and dials the Kitty Litter on his phone, as he’s named it. Oh he’s a funny one is our Tony and he smells great too! Like Jean Paul fucking Gaultier boy!

Ring…Ring…Ring… and answer! ‘Hello?’ ‘How’re ya Mick, it’s Tony here.’ ‘Tony. How’s it going?’ ‘Ah fine Mick, I’m just wondering if Catriona got home alright?’ Pause. Tony can just imagine Mick looking around the hall like an eejit trying to remember if his middle daughter came home yet. But Mick doesn’t take long. ‘No Tony, she said not to expect her home tonight.’ It’s not home Sherlock, your deductions are off. Not so elementary now is it lad? Not so elementary at all.

Tony can’t remember much else really. He ripped up a few beermats. He grunted a lot and said ‘Stop asking me if I’m alright for fucks sake, can’t ya see I’m fine!’ He threw down a few more pints. He moped home. He strummed his guitar a little. He played along to ‘Crying’ by Roy Orbison for a little bit. But what he can remember the most was staring and staring at those two sock puppets slipped onto either side of his bed posts and seeing that Gertie was turned away from Bertie, into the wall and he was looking right at her. ‘What’s the matter Gertie girl?’ Bertie seemed to be saying. But Gertie wasn’t giving him any attention. She was probably just thinking that Bertie needed a new hand in him.

Tickets for Smitten are on sale NOW in Rollercoaster Records, Kieran Street and they are 10EURO. The show runs August 20 – 23 and starts 8pm nightly. For more information and updates, check out www.devioustheatre.com

“You Were Right About The Stars”
A Short Story from Smitten
How long can the shopping possibly take? Why, there could be queues or a shortage of plastic bags or maybe someone crashed an airplane into Superquinn or one of the cashiers went crazy and shot the place up? Or else the person doing the shopping could be shit faced drunk and have left the shopping at the bar in the Pumphouse, squashing eggs and bursting milk cartons by accident the drunker he gets.

Bronagh peered through the curtains and really wished that she had done the shopping herself. She’s much too pregnant to be out and about doing the shopping. I wish I did it, she thought. But you didn’t Bronagh so why don’t you sit your pretty little self and your pretty little bump down and have a cup of tea and a whole heap of those mini Crunchies you keep eating. Not the big ones, it has to be the little ones. Only the little ones will do.

Where is he? Out to do the shopping he said. Won’t take long at all he said. Well it has taken long. Too long… by far. And when you’re a man trying to stay on the wagon, too long becomes unbearable for the person sitting at home. And Bronagh was the person at home. She wasn’t sitting though, not a chance. She was exactly like one of those girlfriends she swore she’d never become. The ones who stand at windows and wait and wait and wait. Outside the window there’s nothing, not even the stars to look up at. She tries to find something else to do… but options are limited when 8 months worth of baby growth is after happening in her womb. She’s still afraid of her lump bursting open like an alien, escaping from inside like some horrendous scene from a schlocky horror movie. That’s what’s been happening in her dreams of late. She’d wake up caked in sweat, panting heavily with her hands steadfastly cradling her bump. But Dave would always be there, rubbing her head and getting water for her.

That’s the Dave she needs. Not the old one. Not the old one at all. He was too drunk, too messy, too unattentive. She loved him, loved him she did. But she quietly lost patience. She dragged him home on her slight frame many times when he was too drunk to move. She cleaned his stomach lining up from the sink one time after a particularly horrendous bender. He fell asleep hanging over the banister of the stairs. She didn’t have the strength to move him so she just left him there. All the nights of turning him over because she’d be afraid he’d puke in his sleep and die, just like Hendrix did. Just like a lot of people did in fact. What a horribly undignified way to go, she thought, choking to death on your own vomit. At least it’s better than a baby bursting out of your stomach though.

Especially if it tried to strangle her with placenta. She tries not to think of death by placenta. That’s even more undignified than the puke. She’s trying to think of who she should call…. or if she should call… or if she should run out into the streets screaming ‘Dave! Dave!’ with her arms flailing.

At the exact moment she’s fiddling with the curtain and thinking of all those bad things she hears the key slide into the lock. A rush of relief washes through her like if a dam had burst or even her waters had broke. But she’d best not think of that right now. She didn’t want to greet Dave with broken waters and incoming babies. Especially when he had such a sheepish look on his face, struggling with the shopping bags. ‘Sorry’ he said ‘I dropped into me ma’s for a cup of tea.’ She wanted to run and hug him but she probably wouldn’t be able to fully reach her arms around him, what with the bump and everything.

Tickets for Smitten are on sale NOW in Rollercoaster Records, Kieran Street and they are 10EURO. The show runs August 20 – 23 and starts 8pm nightly. For more information and updates, check out www.devioustheatre.com

SMITTEN
1. struck, as with a hard blow.
2. grievously or disastrously stricken or afflicted.
3. very much in love.

Following on from the success of Trainspotting, we are proud to announce another first for Kilkenny theatre this coming August. Smitten by John Morton will premiere in The Barn, Church Lane, Kilkenny on Wednesday August 20th and will run until Saturday August 23rd.

John Morton previously wrote Devious Theatre’s first production Heart Shaped Vinyl back in 2006 and this marks his second play to premiere for Devious Theatre. The play is being directed by Colm Sheenan, who has worked extensively with the group in the past.

Smitten depicts a tragicomic series of loosely interlinked vignettes set in Kilkenny City over a succession of rainy summer nights. The play takes its cues from the short stories of Raymond Carver and the films of Woody Allen (the early funny ones that is). The characters at the core of Smitten are trying to get their bearings in life, each stuck in their own limbo. The realities of adult life are dealing a harsh blow to the best laid plans, in a way that leaves them totally smitten… in all the meanings of the word.

Alcoholism. Pregnancy. Testicular Cancer. Apathy. Doomed Relationships.
Sock Puppets. Those elusive mystery girls. How to dance to Bruce Springsteen. And rain. Lots of rain. Smitten functions as a theatrical collage, with intertwining narratives and varying forms of narrative giving life to the comic and often tragic stories that litter the rainy streets of Kilkenny City.

The Barn is a studio space that lies right in the heart of medieval Kilkenny. Located in Church Lane, directly behind St. Canice’s Cathedral, the building was formerly home to the old Loreto Convent. The space was developed by Barnstorm Theatre Company who have used it for performance and rehearsal. Devious Theatre are delighted to be the first theatre group outside of Barnstorm to make use of one of the finest performance venues in Kilkenny City.

Tickets for Smitten are being sold in Rollercoaster Records, Kieran Street from 21st of July and they are 10EURO. The show runs August 20 – 23 and starts 8pm nightly. For more information and updates, check out www.devioustheatre.com

Here’s another positive review for TRAINSPOTTING. It was published in Gerry Moran’s column in the July 2nd edition of the Kilkenny People.

THE OLD ORDER IS CHANGING, YIELDING PLACE TO NEW.

Watch out for the Devious Theatre Company. They’re good. They’re very good. They’re the future of theatre in Kilkenny.

TRAINSPOTTING AT THE WATERGATE THEATRE

JOHN CLEERE

So we’ve arrived. The past few days have seen a flurry of activity as the Devious crew have worked at break neck pace to get everything into gear. We arrived into the Watergate Theatre early on Sunday morning and it’s been all go, go, go since then. I’ve loved every single fucking minute of it, the excitement leading up to opening night is my favourite part of a production and this one has been fantastic. Everybody basically moves into the theatre for the week and it’s like one big messy happy family… of junkies and the like.

Right now, unfinished as it is, the set is looking absolutely wonderful…. Well, wonderful in its manky, derelict style. Eddie, Colm, Tommy, Murt, Liadain and all the other troopers for the cause have really busted their asses getting it into shape and it’s looking great. It still needs a few touch ups today but it should be all ready to go for tonight.

The costumes are looking brilliant, especially under Gerry Taylor’s fantastic lights. God bless red brick wallpaper too… what a time saver! Both myself and Ross now have shite manky dyed hair, thanks to Aileen’s wonderful dye expertise. We now affectionately refer to each other as ‘red heided cunt’ and ‘blue heided cunt’. There will be staring.

The fridge is stacked with Red Bull and to a lesser extent, Red Rooster but at 1.79 a bottle, who’s to discriminate? Fresh drug paraphernalia has been procured…still horrible sharp fuckers. Actors are giddy with excitement…and Red Bull. The music sounds great blasting out around the theatre. We can’t find a cot so we’re using a trolley… for now. After the tech and dress rehearsals we’ve all been so excited, exhausted, energised and depleted to a crazy level. We need, we need, we need! The kettle has consistently been on the boil. The Thomas the Tank Engine theme tune plays incessantly in our heads. Scottish accents have been on the go and boy, are we freaking out people who don’t know us. Ross actually cannot go back to his normal accent. Plus we look odd anyway. We’re all excited, prepared, anxious and ready but most of all, after all the months of blood, sweat and tea… we’ve arrived.

And I hope you enjoy our stay as much as we will.

Irvine Welsh’s Trainspotting starts tonight and runs until Saturday 28th of June. Tickets can be booked in the Watergate Theatre and at their box office on 056 – 7761674. Tickets are 12EURO and the show begins at 8pm nightly.

Theatre: it beats any meat injection, it beats any fucking cock in the world. Wait… hold on… eh… ah, fuck it. It does.

John Morton
Co – Director
Trainspotting

‘Good ol fashioned Scottish hoaspitality. Ye cannae beat it’

The final reveal in our series of Trainspotting posters sees the debut bow of the wide eyed wannabe entrepreneur with a heart of pure deviousness, Simon ‘Sick Boy’ Williamson.

Junkie. Rent boy. Pimp. Sean Connery devotee. Sick Boy tries to be a lot of things. As played by John Morton, we see that underneath the smooth calm exterior is a man who would screw over his friends just as easily as he’d screw a couple of American tourists, sexually and financially of courshe. Always on the game, seemingly with nothing to lose… or does he?

John Morton is a founding member of The Devious Theatre Company and has appeared in all of their productions. He is also Co-Director on Trainspotting.

This poster also features Mairead Kiernan (right), who plays a variety of different roles in Trainspotting. This marks Mairead’s debut role with Devious Theatre.

As designed by Paddy Dunne, these character posters for Trainspotting have served to introduce the many faces of Irvine Welsh’s work, or even reintroducing them to people familiar with the previous incarnations of the characters.

Tickets for Trainspotting are already available in The Watergate Theatre and can be purchased at 056 – 7761674.

Trainspotting will arrive onstage, next week, from June 24th to the 28th.

‘Would sir care to pay for his bill in advance?’

The latest reveal in our series of seemingly never ending Trainspotting posters is the introduction of everybody’s friendly neighborhood drug dealer, Johnny ‘The Mother Superior’ Swann.

Played by Paul Young, Johnny is a cheerful soul who feeds a heroin addiction as easily as some of us eat. Perpetually ‘bombed oot ay his box’, Johnny was given the moniker ‘Mother Superior’ due to the length of his habit. And like a typical mother, everyone falls under the care of the White Swan’s tending wing.

This marks Paul Young’s debut appearance with The Devious Theatre Company.

These character posters for Trainspotting serve to introduce the many faces of Irvine Welsh’s work, or even reintroducing them to people familiar with the previous incarnations of the characters.

As designed by Paddy Dunne, the posters will be unveiled in the weeks leading up to the performance.

Tickets for Trainspotting are already available in The Watergate Theatre and can be purchased at 056 – 7761674.

Trainspotting will arrive onstage from June 24th to the 28th.